I love my Sentimental Regards blog. I started it to develop an 'attitude of gratitude'.
I do, however, have a need, now and then, to fine-tune my vision of reality. I tend to get carried away with my ideas of how life 'should' be in contrast with how it really is.
I live in a small town. We are a middle income family. But I have some grand ideas.
Don't we all.
I have a long wish list of things that I hope to accomplish for myself and my family, and I sometimes drive myself and those around me a little (ok, a lot, maybe) crazy in the process of trying to accomplish those goals.
What do I want?
I want all of my children to get a college degree, marry someone super wonderful who also has a degree and then have 2 perfect children and live in a beautiful house in the suburbs so their children can go to the best schools and eventually go to college (on a scholarship) and have an equally wonderful life.
(Take a breath).
I want my husband and me to downsize our housing so we will be able to retire on schedule, with no health issues and travel on a whim without worry about who's taking care of the yard, the garden, the animals, etc.
For the immediate future, I want to always have my house clean all of the time, because my husband and youngest daughter have allergies. I want to keep all of us on a totally organic diet (ever since I saw
Food, Inc. two years ago I have been on a mission).
I want to finish my college education and learn how to play the piano. I want to get back into writing - it's been 9 years since I've had anything published.
I want, I want, I want...
I may be way off the mark here, but don't we all have big ideas? And in reality, don't we all just live pretty much an average life and like it? I see how many of us post on facebook our disdain for WalMart, and yet, we all secretly like wandering around WalMart. Come on, you know you do.
And even though I still refuse to eat the cream-of-whatever casseroles at the church potluck, I love to be there anyway. It's just being a member of the community of our church that matters. It's small, humble and sweet, and I love it.
And our school is small, but it's a good school, and there is very little bullying and no gang activity. Drugs are not a serious problem. It's been a safe environment for my shy child who, despite being an 'A' student, finds school to be a challenge, so I am firmly rooted here, and stubbornly refuse to move whenever my husband tries to move closer to his workplace where there is a bigger school with more to offer.
I miss the theater, awesome shopping and fine dining of the big city. Sometimes I think we should move back. But in the end, living here has more in the plus column than in the minus column. Our favorite thing to do at the end of the day is sit on the deck with a glass of wine and watch the birds at the bird feeder. How simple is that? We say pretty much the same things every evening: How was your day? Did you get that budget report out? What kind of bird was that? Can you believe how fast the leaves are falling?
Being my authentic self may be less glamorous, but I'm finding out it's also a lot less exhausting.